Try as I might, The Wife™ remains disagreeable to many an awesome name for this child. As we lay in bed at night, I’ve thrown out hundreds of suggestions since October. Each one is shot down with a retort, a groan or simple disgusted silence. Recently I’ve begun to wonder (in light of still not having a declared winner) if we should revisit some of the ones that perhaps had been rashly, hastily and unfortunately stricken from the list:
- Lou Diamond Faust – Apparently not a fan of Young Guns, in spite of the awesomeness that is “Diamond” as a middle name
- Axel/Rose Faust (see how I worked Slash in there as well? Two-fer!) – Here we see her denying her ’80s roots
- Big Baby Jesus Faust or Dirt McGirt Faust – Refuses to see the greatness of the Wu-Tang Clan and Old Dirty Bastard
- Leif Warhammer Faust – I said we could call him Eric for short. And I defy you to find me a 4th grader who would try to kick the ass of someone with the middle name of Warhammer.
- Sargent Slaughter Faust – Turns out she never played with GI Joes. A shame, really. Same with Optimus Prime Faust. To be fair though, I wouldn’t accept Little Pony Faust if she suggested it. Maybe.
- Bocephus William Faust – Ever heard of Hank Williams, Jr. lady? Huh? *sigh*
And so fall the names, one by one, off the list of contenders. I’ve said goodbye to some good ones. She even disliked Batman Bin Suparman. How fickle.
To her credit, though, maybe this is all for the better. As you can tell, my suggestions are mainly boy’s names, which could really come back to bite me in the ass. If the kid comes out with lady parts, I’d have a much harder time telling the nursing staff that we’ve named her Princess Huggybear Faust.
Well, at least with a straight face that is.