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Every day starts anew

Posted: September 30th, 2008 | Author: Brian | Filed under: Life in General | 1 Comment »

Heads up

Last night I cried while feeding my son. Well, technically I got more misty-eyed than anything else, but that’s splitting hairs. It wasn’t because of the market, it wasn’t because of politics, but instead as I looked at my kid guzzling his bottle with reckless abandon, he reached up and put his tiny hand on mine and stroked it. He did it with purpose and not just out of reflex. He knows I’m in a weird place emotionally and heard me sigh deeply. He responded in a way that could not have been more appropriate or more helpful.
I’m convinced that most of the clichés in the world have been invented by parents. Phrases are so often overused, most to the point of being rendered meaningless, phrases that you don’t really understand until you have a kid of your own. “They grow up so fast, so enjoy it now!” is not an empty sentiment. 105 days ago I was a self-absorbed jerkwad who would get six types of angry if my morning routine was delayed. Now I’m only a slightly better self-absorbed jerkwad of a father who secretly hopes the kid will wake up while I’m still at home so I can catch a smile before I start my commute. In 105 days we’ve seen him transform completely, learning how to roll over, starting to become (very) verbal, recognize (and hug!) his reflection and even reach for and hold objects. It feels like a week ago we were still having heart-to-heart conversations in his hospital cart.
I blinked and he never stopped growing up. I got distracted by the momentum of working life and thought that the saying “seeing things through the eyes of a child” was crap, but it’s not. This is why I cried. Because watching him watch me and witnessing him learn how to respond to the emotional needs of someone else was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

One Comment on “Every day starts anew”

  1. 1 minxlj said at 5:54 am on October 2nd, 2008:

    “105 days ago I was a self-absorbed jerkwad”
    Nope, you definitely weren’t. I’ve read all your posts since a fair while before the pregnancy and all, and I can honestly say that while you’ve written about everything with a fair dash of humour and sarcasm, there’s also a lot of genuine emotion and thought in there too. And that doesn’t come across as a “self-absorbed jerkwad” in the least.